Happy Monday! Hope you had a great weekend! The weather in the Bay Area was amazing and we took full advantage of it by playing outside for hours on end (until well after dark), watching my 10 year old play a mean quarterback in his football game, attending a princess Frozen-filled birthday party, and even enjoying some down time.
Now it’s back to business! I have a full week of client appointments, but am excited to finally get on the blog to share my tips for dealing with sentimental clutter.
Over the last month I’ve been chatting about this topic on Instagram. I struck a nerve one day with a little comment and it turned into a full-blown series over there. And I take no issue with that! I believe this is a huge area that many of us, if not all of us, struggle with. So it’s a good thing to talk about openly. We have items in our life that are just hanging around simply because of the emotional attachment. This is normal. Unless you find that you can’t let go of anything or everything…and suddenly find yourself drowning in stuff.
Your stuff is beginning to own you instead of you owning it.
This series began after my work with a young mother. She has a 1 year old daughter and we were re-organizing her little closet. I work with her weekly, so we’ve also spent time in her own closet(s). While going through her various spaces I was reminded of our attachment to those special outfits, baby gear items, old work clothes, artwork and papers, and all those “what if” items.
It’s so hard to let go, isn’t it?
If you’re gearing up for some early spring cleaning / organizing (yep, it’s February and I just said spring cleaning) and worried about or avoiding a purge for sentimental reasons, I hope these steps will help you work toward letting go.
Not everyone has the same emotional trigger or reason for keeping items, but everyone has one. So, what’s yours? Is it because your child made it or wore it? Is it something a family member bought for you? Maybe you feel bad about letting it go because you feel the pressure from the gift-giver to keep it? Putting unneeded pressure on yourself? Was it given to you by someone you love that has passed on? Did you buy it when you were younger? Did you pay a lot of money for it and can’t stand the idea of selling it for a significantly less amount? Is it something you think you’ll wear later?
Take a moment to reflect on what type of clutter seems to cause an emotional reaction for you and why you are feeling the connection.
I realize I’m speaking to a broad audience with various triggers, but let’s try to take this a level deeper and understand why these items have a grip on you. You can understand by asking yourself questions and answering honestly.
Sentimental clutter is based on memory. Your memory.
Think about that for a second.
You’re still holding onto the memory, so why hold onto the item? Holding onto the item has now become a burden for you to bear. Are burdens healthy? Not really.
I’m a girl that likes to think in perspective so let me share an example to see if I strike a cord. Those bins of school papers or kid’s artwork you’re holding onto. You’ve been collecting them since your child first picked up a crayon. Now that child is in the 4th grade (maybe high school or college!) and you have boxes upon boxes of artwork, worksheets, tests, and other memorabilia.
First answer this, when was the last time you opened the boxes to look through those papers? Are they being cherished if you aren’t looking at, admiring or sharing them?
Now picture your child at 25…30…40…older even. What do you think your child wants to do with those papers? What is your idea behind keeping them? Do you think he’ll want to keep them? His spouse will want them? Or have you now created a burden for someone else? I don’t believe family or friends ever want to create a burden in your life…and I’m certain you don’t want to create burdens in return.
Spend some time thinking about how you can hold onto the memory while still letting the item go. Emotional clutter is the same as physical clutter…it traps you, trips you up and keeps you from that fresh, clean mind space.
After steps one and two, try not to apply too much pressure on yourself. Chances are these things have been around for a while, so don’t overwhelm yourself too much. Unless of course you’re ready – then by all means, purge away! But for most of us, it’s a deep emotional reaction. If you’re worried about letting it go and still in question, consider boxing up the items, label the box, set a reminder in your phone or calendar for 1-2 months out and put it on a shelf in the garage. After letting time pass, if you realize you never thought about it and still don’t have anywhere to put it – let it go.
Do you have a good friend that’s balanced? One that can help you think it through reasonably? Ask if they can help you. Or you can always hire a professional to help!
Also, work in short bursts of time. If you binge purge for hours on end, you may end up emotionally drained and quite possibly throw in the towel altogether. Set a timer and chill out. Take it one step, one day, one space at a time.
Once you’ve decided what’s staying and going, create a system for yourself moving forward – with limits. If you set up a rule or several rules it will help prevent the issue from creeping in again. Ask yourself a few questions (yes, even more questions!) before putting it away like, “Is this a memory thing happening again?” or “Can I keep just one and not all of them?”. Allow yourself one bin for sentimental items. Once it’s full, that’s it. Before you put anything into that bin remind yourself of how it used to be, how bogged down you felt, that you made so many strides to get where you are today. Remind yourself that you don’t want to create burdens.
Remind yourself that you deserve to live free of burdens and in a space that feels good, happy and organized!
Limits – these are more often than not a good thing in life…well beyond organization.
I hope these tips will help you move toward letting go of your emotional clutter. I’ll be following up with a post about ideas for instead keeping your items digitally, with photos and more. Feel free to share your tips for letting go in the comment section so that I can share it with other readers too!
Have a great day!
For me, it's often not a memory but the potential of that item…a project I want to do, pants I want to fit into, etc. I'm not a huge clutter bug, but I definitely have my areas…and this is the recurring theme. Thanks for inspiring me to stop and think about it!
This is exactly what I needed to hear! It is almost like I need "permission" to get rid of things. I need to just stop and think and let it go!!
OMG–Samantha! While thinking about children, memories, and potential (also thanks to Tiffany's comment), I had a huge realization! I always wanted to craft more with my mom when I was little, and we saved every possible "what if" project, but never got to most of them. Now I have 2 children, and I'm the one who saves every possible kid-craft item, like oatmeal canisters, toilet paper rolls, bottle caps, just in case we need them. I am going to be looking at that stash with fresh eyes tonight! If the craft room is clean and organized (with a lot less stuff), we will be more likely to be able to find and use what we do have, and enjoy the room a lot more. Thank you, thank you, thank you!!
Great tips. I'm not that sentimental but do have kid stuff. I just saw a suggestion on making each child a small bin to give to them later. It has categories including each school year. My boys are in their 20s and right now wouldn't appreciate that but it can include things that would be interesting to them once they have families (like a family tree and their medical info). That gives me a good reason to go through the bin I have plus copying photos for them. I wish someone had done it for me.
Very nice article. Now I am going to box up those childhood papers (I kept only a few along the way) and give them to those children. I know you said not to burden anyone else (Step 2) with 'things,' however I feel they should make that decision. If they want to save them or toss them is their decision. When a person reaches a certain age, he/she realizes the importance of family heritage. I would love to have something of a grandparent, great grandparent that they had made as a child. My mother saved nothing of mine, nor did my mother-in-law.
Great article! I will be referring to it often this Spring as I begin de cluttering my kids' stuff…they are transitioning to high school and beyond and don't need to have baggage as they move into their own futures!
Awesome article and right on time. My "stuff" has strated to consume me. I can do this!